Friday, September 30, 2011

mariachi bands need more dinosaurs

okay so i realize i may have terrified everyone's inner-child earlier this week. i get it. the spec script for my re-imagined denver the last dinosaur has been shelved. in its place i present esteban and the raptors, a mariachi band that has taken the mexican musical scene by storm, simply by realizing the obvious truth that what mariachi needs to survive is more dinosaurs.

speaking of which, the raptors are actually looking for a new lead singer. apparently there have been some creative differences between the group and esteban.

it is my understand that they felt that he was better for dinner than singing at dinners.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

land before time needs more [real] dinosaurs

look. all i'm saying is that maybe, with some more dinosaurs, this series doesn't have a bajillion sequels.

"wait a second!" you might be saying. "doesn't less movies mean less dinosaurs?" yeah, well, maybe. except let's not forget like ninety-six percent of the dinosaurs in those movies have been found to be imaginary. so there. bring on the raptors.

Monday, September 26, 2011

terra nova needs more dinosaurs (probably) (called it)

okay so this show just premiered and honestly I haven't even watched it yet but I am calling this first. before anyone else does. you are going to hear this so much while this show is on the air and officially it was heard here first and everyone else just stole it.

terra nova needs more dinosaurs.

what? a show about dinosaurs needs more dinosaurs? trust me. you will be saying the exact thing.

okay so the pilot might be the exception but understand they spent like the fiscal budget of norway to make that, so let's just see how much money they have left over for dinos the rest of the season.

also speaking of blowing budgets, someone needs to refill their dino image supply after today's spectacle...

Friday, September 23, 2011

starbucks needs more dinosaurs

that was a big thing when starbucks changed their logo. people are very attached to the symbols of their corporate overlords. so, spoiler alert? the starbucks marketing team has already decided their brand needs more dinosaurs. look for it on a cup coming soon to your local starbucks*.

very soon.

*starbucks did not pay for this advertisement, but for the record i am willing to put a lot more dinosaurs on their logo for the right price (the right price is dinosaurs).

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

tsa needs more dinosaurs

naked scanners? super extensive pat-downs? mandatory cavity searches? no no and no. the security solution the tsa needs to be looking at is more dinosaurs.

my formal proposal to the secretary of homeland security is being processed through official channels as we speak.

my formal proposal is actually just 147 pages of dinosaurs in tsa uniforms.

Monday, September 19, 2011

washington needs more dinosaurs

maybe what we need to fix all the problems in washington is more dinosaurs.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

new justice league needs more dinosaurs

maybe comic book nerds wouldn't be so upset about the massive dc reboot if it had more dinosaurs.

cricket needs more dinosaurs

cricket might actually catch on in the usa if it had more dinosaurs.

iron man 2 needed more dinosaurs

look iron man 2 had some problems it's true but it's noting so bad that couldn't be fixed by dinosaurs.

needs more dinosaurs

it has been revealed to me via netflix that things clearly need more dinosaurs. this was proven when an image was forced upon my pysche that I was not prepared for. yes I knew of sherlock holmes. yes I knew of his many tales, of the many versions of his tales. what i did not know was that dinosaurs were his most perfect adversary. dinosaurs were the truest test of his wit. in this discovery, i realized that sherlock holmes was not alone.

there were a lot of things that needed more dinosaurs.